he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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