and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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