i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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