So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
