That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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