Tell her she can't have a vagina
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize