Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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