Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
