also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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