yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize