Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
