if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
