they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
