I want to walk on stilts...naked
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
