last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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