Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
