So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just pynch a tree in the face
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
