there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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