the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize