He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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