Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
