this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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