Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
im holly from the hills drunk
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
