i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
