I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize