Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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