I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
