i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
