im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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