Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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