fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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