I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
