I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
