I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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