woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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