i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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