I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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