Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize