is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
