You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i dont even know how to be here
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
