Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
