saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
