Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
