you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
