are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
