yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
