Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
