So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
In America we eat man semen.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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