My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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