My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Randomize
