u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize