Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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