you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
