I just threw up on my dentist
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
