You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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