Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
