I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
