I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
