I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
