The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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