i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
