? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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