she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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