i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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